Moving On In Friendship

"Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. " ~ Ally Condie

While growing up, I was best of friends with a girl. We went to school together and were in each other’s homes almost every day. We shared our food and we shared every secret. Then she left town to study. At first we missed each other, but as days, months and years rolled by the communication lessened. Life moved on till I met her again after almost ten years of silence. Yes, there was certain warmth, but the sparks did not fly as before. We traded phone numbers, resolving to meet more often. It’s been another ten years that we are not in touch.

Growing Out Of A Friendship

Friends do grow apart. People change. You change. Something just does not work anymore. Although at a point in time, you are everything to each other, as you grow older your personalities evolve and your interests change. Different people come into your lives at different times, share those interest and new friendships bloom.

You are conditioned to have one romantic partner at a time, but you may have multiple friends. So, you think you must keep all your friends. However, friendship is also a relationship where you can ‘just grow apart’ as in a romantic relationship.

All relationships take time and effort. When people start careers and families, they prioritize their relationships. In such a situation, friends grow apart. Friendships started in work environments are generally based on shared experiences. When work environments change, there is no longer any common ground and friends grow apart. People may also grow out of friendships struck while pursuing common interests, when they no longer pursue the same activities.

As you change and grow, so will some of your friends. At some point you or they will outgrow the other. Even if you wish things would be the same way as before, you may not share the same wavelength. Accept this transition. It will require you to trust yourself and move on the path life decides to take you.

Losing A Friendship

Sometimes, friendships are lost because of hurt and resentment.

If you are hurt by your friends words or actions, you will have to first calm down and analyse how much the friendship means to you. Try to remember why you became friends in the first place, what you admire in your friend and whether you see value in retaining the friendship. If you do, then you will have to find a way of communicating your hurt and discussing the issue face-to-face. This will involve a lot of forgiving on your part.

It may so happen that a friend suddenly stops communicating with you. Maybe, you have said or done something that has led him/her to end the friendship, and you are clueless. If you value your friendship, be the one to take a step and save the relationship. This will involve keeping your ego aside, explaining and apologizing.

In spite of all efforts, you may still lose a good friend. It is not always possible for a person to have perfect understanding of the mechanisms of the other person’s mind despite investing enormous time and effort to do so. Losing a close friendship it is as bad as romantic breakup. So don’t be hard on yourself. Give yourself the time to heal, and move on.

Ending A Friendship

Occasionally, a friendship becomes toxic and there comes a time when you have to let go of it.

Good friends are a source of comfort. But sometimes a friendship becomes a thorn in the flesh. Frequent arguments mean you are no longer tolerant of each other’s behavior. Frequent misunderstandings indicate lack of communication. Also, unresolved past issues may often open up old wounds that need healing.

Like any relationship, friends need to put effort into making the friendship work. If one or both of you can't do so, the friendship has run out its course. Being in a bad relationship can hinder personal growth and disturb long-term peace of mind. Hence, when a friendship becomes an emotional baggage, it is time to move on.

In the End

We all lose friends- to time, to distance, to our ever-evolving needs. Do not mourn over people who were once in you life and are no more there. Remember how they enriched your life and gave you joy. And always keep the door open. When the time is right, your lost friends might just slip back into you life, picking up right where they left you.

Be open to embrace new friends in your life. Life is a moving stream and you are a pebble in that stream. As you flow, you will be continually shaped and rounded by it and by the other pebbles you encounter along the way.

P.S.  Just yesterday, I remembered my friend. The heart yearned, and I called her. The phone number was invalid, obviously, due to passage of time. But the desire to reconnect was so strong that I tracked her down on Facebook and sent her a ‘Friends request.’ Now waiting.

© Sujata Khanna. All rights reserved.

Karmayoga Demystified

I am greatly influenced by the Bhagwad Geeta’s declamation of the Karmayoga. This article is a humble attempt to put my understanding of the concept of Karmayoga in layman terms.

We aspire to acquire objects because we feel inadequate without the objects of our desire. When we feel inadequate, we seek freedom from this inadequacy. So, we direct our actions in pursuit of objects of desire and in avoidance of objects of distaste and fear. We feel we will be completely happy when we do this. Yet, at some point, we realize that no matter how much we act upon our motivations, we still do not attain bliss. We, then, feel further limited.

WHAT IS SELF-REALISATION? 

Self-realisation is the liberation of the ego from the sense of limitation brought about by its identification with conditioned beliefs, opinions, fears, desires, and habits.

WHAT IS KARMAYOGA?

In Sanskrit, ‘karma’ means ‘action’ and ‘yoga’ means ‘union’. Karmayoga literally means ‘union through action’.

According to Karmayoga, the delusions in the path of self-realisation are:

- To assume that action is the way and that renunciation must be avoided
- To assume that renunciation is the way and action is to be avoided

If we keep feeling limited, no matter how much we act in pursuit of objects of gratification and avoid objects of woe, we are disillusioned with life. Any action, then, seems pointless. We slip into inaction; that takes us deeper into the chasm of inadequacy.

Karmayoga states that it is not necessary to remain in external solitude, or remain action-less, in pursuit of self-realisation, since the state of action or renunciation is primarily determined in the mind.

Karmayoga is a path to self-realisation through action in accordance with one's duty, while renouncing the attachment to the fruits of one's deeds.

The message of Karmayoga is ‘Work is worship’.

HOW TO PRACTICE KARMAYOGA?

The following four principles of work will lead us to working on the path of Karmayoga:

1. Duty 

It is our duty to fully utitise the mental and physical faculties that we were born with. That we were born must serve a purpose.

Since one has to work even for the simple maintenance of the body, one must act in accordance with one’s intelligence, knowledge and capabilities to maintain one’s mind.

2. Motive

All activity is always directed towards a goal. Reaching the goal of the activity must be placed above the achievement of reward for reaching the goal. The mind is so framed that it cannot think of any kind of work without remuneration or reward. The result of our work can suffer if we are bound by expectation of reward for our actions.

Hence, it is essential to free ourselves from desire for money, praise, power and fame.

3. Acceptance

• Self-acceptance is about believing in ourselves and being contented with our destiny and our capabilities. If we believe in ourselves, we will not try to convince others. If we are content, we will not need others' approval. So, self-acceptance will free us from the desire for approval, which is the first step to freeing ourselves from desire for other rewards.
• Acceptance of others, totally and unconditionally, will make us free of expectations. When we don’t expect, we are not disappointed. People are what they are because they have their own backgrounds, and they cannot be otherwise. No one is in a position to disqualify another’s way of life, belief, thinking, or ideas.

4. Attitude

It is not what job we do; it is how we do it. Whatever we have to do, we must do our best. We must not slack if someone is not watching us. We must not hold back because of fear of criticism. We must keep improvising to give the best outcome of our work.

It's the attitude while doing whatever we do that determines whether our work liberates us or binds us.

IN SUMMARY

No one can ever rest, if only to sustain the body. In fact, even we renounce physical action, and our minds dwell on the objects of desire, we will not achieve self-realization.

There is no point in renouncing action; that will only decay our minds and bodies, which, obviously, is not the purpose for which we were born.

Karmayoga asks us to embrace action while renouncing the attachment to the rewards of the action.

© Sujata Khanna. All rights reserved.

Go Fragrant!

“A woman's perfume tells more about her than her handwriting. ” ~ Christian Dior

Some women have a fixation for clothes, others, for shoes. Too much is never enough! For me, it's perfumes! My perfumania started somewhere in the early eighties and continues unabated....

Initially, when buying perfumes, I used to be unaware of the correlation between the perfume nomenclature and price. As time passed, I got to know many aspects, apart from just that. Here is a little note on the terms used on the perfume bottle that correlates the price with the value you get....

Strength     Term

Upto 3%     Eau Fraiche

3 – 5%        Eau de Cologne

5 – 10%      Eau de Toilette

10– 15%     Eau de Parfum

15 – 18%    Soie de Parfum

18 – 25%    Parfum (sometimes called Extrait) 

We often get a first impression of perfumes from the testers. As a result, we get a whiff of the top notes-the more volatile aromas that linger for 15-30 minutes. But it is the middle notes that actually define the fragrance. You will sense them right from the start, but they develop on the body 15-20 minutes later. The heaviest notes are called base notes, which enhance the staying power of the perfume.

I think the best way to pick up a perfume is to follow your own instinct rather than go by too much critical analysis. The purpose of perfumes is to enhance happiness so if a perfume makes you instantly joyful, that’s the one for you.

Over the years, I have used a number of brands, but certain fragrances that caught my fancy in the early years of my perfume-infatuation still remain my favourites.

Here are some perfumes I must have on my shelf:
24 Faubourg by Hermès
Calèche
 by Hermès
Coco by Chanel
Allure by Chanel
Poison by Christian Dior
Gucci by Gucci
Pleasures by Estee Lauder
Poême by Lancôme
L’air du Temps by Nina Ricci

© Sujata Khanna. All rights reserved.

Complacency

“Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose.” ~ Bill Gates

Complacency is defined as smug satisfaction with oneself or with an existing situation, often while unaware of some potential threat.

Success usually comes after great effort. You know there is a challenge and you work hard towards it. In the initial days of struggle, you give all of yourself in spirit, body and mind. You can never get too comfortable because your antennae are tuned to potential setbacks.

However, it is very easy to be infatuated with past glories. It is often seen that great achievements are followed by great complacency. It causes you to become too comfortable with your way of thinking and of doing things. You ignore the rapidly changing environment around even when facts clearly point to a shifting order of things. This is when you are riding for a fall.

Aesop’s fable – ‘The hare and the tortoise’ - is a classic example of complacency.

The hare and the tortoise were in a race, and the hare dashed off to an amazing start. Turning back some distance ahead, he did not see the tortoise anywhere in sight. He became so filled with pride about his prowess and became so complacent, that he decided to take a nap. He was sure that he could beat the tortoise hands-down even after he woke up. 

When the hare woke up, he sprinted to the finish line as fast as he could, only to find the tortoise already there and victorious.

Good leadership skills demand that you do not fall prey to this ‘head-in-the-sand’ attitude. There are two key factors that can help in keeping complacency at bay:

• Keeping your environmental knowledge up-to-date: The environments you operate in generally are economic, political, business, market, technological and organisational (people & processes). You must have your finger on the pulse of each of these environments at all times.

• Keeping company of people who are capable of thinking differently from you: These people must be competent and empowered to challenge your ideas.

The path to success is a mix of ambition, hard work and environmental sensitivity. But once achieved, success can make you complacent over time. You tend to lose the humbleness and flexibility with which you commenced your journey, and, that, can become the beginning of your downfall.

© Sujata Khanna. All rights reserved.

The Anatomy Of An Entrepreneur

Recently, I was invited to speak at seminar on Entrepreneurship.  The first thought that came to my mind was, "Entrepreneurship is an action skill…"  Then a series of thoughts flowed, some of which I would like to share.

Who is an entrepreneur? An entrepreneur is one who has - The passion to create - The will to conquer - The impulse to fight - The dream to found a private kingdom Very simply put, “those who create companies on their own and become the bosses of the companies”, are entrepreneurs. Passion, rather than money, fuels the success of an entrepreneurial drive.  However, successful growth requires you to expand on that passion with thought!

So, what does it take to start your own venture?

• Idea: An idea based on rationality and realism; it is the key concept of the service or product you want to sell in the market.
• Market value of the idea: You must have a basic level of confidence in the fact that the market values your product and is willing to pay for it.
• Team: You must have a team of complementary skill sets - so identify your own strengths, and find people who have different, but complementary strengths. In building a team you have to lead by example, you must walk the talk. You must be someone who is willing to work very hard to achieve those aspirations. Only then will your team trust you implicitly, and only then will they deliver and help achieve the common goals.
• Vision for growth: The entrepreneur must have a vision for growth, and he must articulate his grand vision - an exciting future. The vision must be a story that is compelling, believable, and intrigues and excites the minds of the team members.
• Attitude: A high degree of optimism, perseverance and the ability to put long-term interest ahead of short-term benefit

Can you become an entrepreneur? Yes, you can, provided you have the essential ingredients enlisted above, and the resilience to take the rough with the smooth. Entrepreneurship can be the most fulfilling aspect of your life.

© Sujata Khanna. All rights reserved.

The Gaping Maw Of Unemployment In India

The unemployment rate in 2012 will increase up to 202 million and it is on an upward trend for 2013, the International Labour Organization (ILO) reported on Monday.  Experts predict an unemployment rate reaching 6.2 per cent by 2013.

Source: www.financialexpress.com, May 01, 2012

Against the global unemployment rate, consider this- the unemployment rate in India has been consistently increasing, and stands at 9.8% in 2010-2011!

Over the past decade, India has been regarded as the success story of globalization. India’s success is attributed to off-shoring of IT-enabled services, backed by reforms leading to global economic integration and domestic deregulation. Yet, even before the global economic crisis, in spite of high income growth in the organised sector, India faced the challenges of increasing inequalities and falling standards of living among marginalized groups.  

In order to understand the Indian unemployment crisis, it is important to understand these basic terms.

• Labour Force: The labour force is defined as the number of people employed plus the number unemployed but seeking work. 
• Unemployment Rate: The unemployment rate can be defined as the number of people actively looking for a job as a percentage of the labour force.
• Gross Domestic Product (GDP): The total market value of all final goods and services produced in a country in a given year, equal to total consumer, investment and government spending, plus the value of exports, minus the value of imports.
• Primary Sector: Where the economic activity involves exploitation of natural resources. Typically, agriculture and agriculture related activities are the primary sectors of economy.
• Secondary Sector: When the main activity involves manufacturing then it is the secondary sector. All industrial production where physical goods are produced come under the secondary sector.
• Tertiary Sector: When the activity involves providing intangible goods like services. Financial services, Information Technology etc. are in the tertiary sector.

In the last four decades, the share of the primary sector in GDP decreased, the share of the secondary sector remained static and the share of the tertiary sector grew. However, the share in providing employment was not in tune with the share in GDP.

• In 1973, the agriculture (primary) sector had a 45% share in the GDP and a 75% share in the labour force. Today, it constitutes only about 25% of the GDP, but still has a 60% share in the labour force.
• In 1973, the manufacturing (secondary sector) had a 20% share in the GDP and a 10% share in the labour force. Today, it still constitutes 20% of the GDP, and has an 18% share in the labour force.
• In 1973, the services (tertiary) sector had a 35% share in the GDP and a 15% share in the labour force. Today, it constitutes 55% of the GDP, but only has a 22% share in the labour force.

It is quite clear that majority of the people are still employed in agricultural activities. As agriculture provides seasonal employment during cropping season, chances of hidden unemployment are big. The fallacy has been in assuming that IT-enabled services would become the engine of growth for the entire economy. Although educated and skilled workers do get employed in secondary and tertiary sector, for unskilled and semi-skilled workers there is still shortage of employment avenues. The inability to undertake land reforms or other strategies that would have involved substantial redistribution of assets means that wealth and income inequalities continue to be very high. Hence the most important current problem is the resolution of the agrarian crisis and the need to ensure sustainable productive employment for the majority of the labour force.

For urban India, deregulation took away the advantage of increase in export employment. The employment loss because of import competition, especially in small enterprises, was not compensated.  Also, there was a decline in organized sector employment due to the decline in public sector employment.  Further, several “economic reform” measures such as trade liberalization, the reduction of credit allocation to the priority sector and the removal of various forms of support worked against the interests of most small producers, who accounted for labour-intensive forms of urban manufacturing employment.

Economic inequalities have increased in India in the post-reform period.  The benefits of growth have been concentrated and have not trickled down sufficiently. The economic growth process in India has been unable reduce poverty, as it failed to deliver proportional structural change in the output to employment ratio. It was unsuccessful, despite high rates of output growth, to generate sufficient opportunities for work to meet the needs of the growing labour force.

To add to all this is the global economic crisis, which puts forward further challenges of sustainability of economic growth.  All this means that government mediation in the process of global economic integration is the need of the hour. However, India’s turbulent political environment of coalition governance is marked by ineptitude and indecision. The problem is further aggravated by large scale corruption that does not allow whatever minimal affirmative action that is taken to reach its intended beneficiaries. 

It is no wonder, therefore, that in India, the problem of unemployment takes on epic proportions! 

© Sujata Khanna. All rights reserved.

Emotional Intelligence

Organisational teams are put together keeping a particular organisational goal in mind. The teams comprise people with diverse skills, mentalities and backgrounds. In such a situation, the formal leader would definitely attract a following if he has leadership qualities, as in, a 3D personality (refer to my post, The anatomy of a leader, Mar 19, 2012), but a fourth personality dimension is necessary to sustain that following. That fourth dimension is Emotional Intelligence.

Sometime in 1998, I read Daniel Goleman’s book “Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ”, and later, his books “Working with Emotional Intelligence” and “Primal Leadership”. These books put into clearer perspective that which I had perceived, but never analysed, earlier- there are certain things about outstanding business leaders that separate them from others - a set of competencies that distinguishes how people manage feelings, interact, and communicate.

Everybody feels. In fact, it is impossible not to have feelings, and it is perfectly alright for you to be happy, sad, angry, resentful or even feel hopeless. What is important is to be aware of your feelings, the stimuli that evoke these feelings, and further, the behaviour that predictably follows the feelings. In the same manner, you must be able to understand the stimuli that evoke certain feelings in others and the behaviour that predictably follows.

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to perceive and understand emotions- one’s own as well as others’- and to use this awareness to pause, be flexible and purposefully direct one’s behaviour.

Leaders with a high emotional intelligence quotient are able to control mood swings and have high frustration tolerance, and thus, have the perseverance to achieving goals as well as have a positive attitude. They also have great empathy and can manage interactions and conflict better.

© Sujata Khanna. All rights reserved.

Hungry India

In the global ranking of some 193 countries in the descending order of their respective U5MR rates (under five mortality rate,expressed per 1000 live births), India ranks 46th. 

The country’s current status in this vital parameter of child welfare is woefully behind economically smaller neighbouring countries like Nepal (ranked 59th) and Bangladesh (ranked 61st). Only Pakistan has a higher U5MR rate, with 87 of that country’s children dying for every 1000 live births. 

Source: Deccan Herald, March 12, 2012 

Starvation is the result of a severe or total lack of nutrients needed for the maintenance of life. John. R Butterly, in his book ‘Hunger: The Biology and Politics of Starvation’, says “chronic malnutrition often leads to a compromised immune system and makes a person unable to fight off organisms that a normally fed human would barely notice.” 

Since the start of the new millennium, India has seen significant economic progress. Yet, death by starvation is a gruesome reality in India. Poor Indian households struggle to cope with high food prices and malnourishment among their children. TNN (Mar 9, 2012) reports people selling kidneys to beat starvation in a West Bengal village. 

These statistics should make our heads hang in shame- 

• India has an all-India average U5MR rate of 74. Bihar, Jharkhand, and Madhya Pradesh are the country’s “hungriest” states, with an average U5MR rate of 85. 
• 25% of the world’s hungry population resides in India. 
• The country has 360 million people living under the official poverty line.
• 43 per cent of children under the age of five years are malnourished.
• Half of all pregnant women aged between 15 and 49 years suffer from anaemia.

India grows enough food for its people. In order to ensure food security, three main public programmes are implemented by the government- the PDS, the ICDS and the NREGA. Yet, in spite of a clear public policy on food security, death by starvation still stalks both rural and urban populations.

• The Public Food Distribution System (PDS): The PDS fails due to inefficient planning. Grain rots in government warehouses while the poor go hungry. Ration cards are not issued to poor families because surveys are either delayed or just filed in, but not actually conducted. Further, corrupt ration shop dealers pilfer food and sell it on the black market rather than to intended beneficiaries. In fact, the Food Corporation of India (FCI) is one of the most corrupt divisions of the central government.
• The Integrated Child Development System (ICDS): The government is supposed to provide meals to all students at schools under the Mid-day Meal Scheme. Child care centres, known as Anganwadis, are supposed to provide immunization and supplementary food for the children under age of six and pregnant women at village level. But it is commonly seen that these are open only 6-7 days a month when they are actually expected to work 30 days a month.
• The National Rural Employment Guarantee Act (NREGA): This is the 100 day-employment guarantee system which is the biggest playground for corruption. Wages do not reach families, but are recorded. The money that the central/state government earmarks for poverty eradication is siphoned away by politicians, bureaucrats and village heads. 

What is the point gloating over India’s economic advancement when a poor person can’t access entitlements to government food and work programs? Public outcry questioning shoddy implementation of policies and corruption is the need of the hour. Bad governance is the key reason for all the country’s woes, the issue of food security being the foremost.

© Sujata Khanna. All rights reserved.

The Anatomy Of A Leader

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” John Quincy Adams.

There are examples galore of leaders and their leadership styles- Political leaders, captains of industry, social activists, religious leaders….. Every leader you think of is unique in his calling, his vision and his style of functioning. Yet, there are certain attributes that are common to all leaders. 

Trying to unravel a ‘leaders’ personality, I came down to my own simple 3C formula, or the three dimensions of personality that make a leader.

He must have a cause

• Faith in his vision, mission or purpose
• The ability to articulate the vision
• The passion to realize the vision

The clear and passionate articulation of the cause builds conviction of people in the mission.

He must have competence

• Skill for achieving the purpose
• Complete self confidence
• Clarity of thinking and planning

The proof of competence builds respect for the person leading the mission.

He must have charisma

• Capability to inspire and motivate
• Capability of being a change agent
• Live by values, lead by example

The power of charisma builds a strong appeal for being part of the mission.

When there is a conviction in the mission and respect and appeal for a person leading it, a following starts, and when there is a following, a leader is born. A leader does not set out to be one, but becomes one by the fervent dedication to his intent, the calibre of his actions and the integrity of his conduct.

© Sujata Khanna. All rights reserved.

Why The 'Anna Movement' Floundered

Veteran social activist Anna Hazare will attend a core committee meeting of ‘Team Anna’ here today to discuss the future strategy of his fight against corruption.Earlier on February 24, he had threatened to start another movement for the passage of a strong Ombudsman (Jan Lokpal) bill to combat graft in the country, before the national polls, which are scheduled to take place in 2014.  Hazare has been at loggerheads with the government over the Ombudsman Bill for which the Gandhian activist went on hunger strikes in April, August and December last year. 

Source: economictimes.indiatimes.com, March 5, 2012

"I am Anna."

Fraught with day to day corruption, Indians of all classes identified with the ‘Anna movement’ that took an aggressive stand against the issue. Even the usually placid middle class came out in large hordes to rally behind this frail man willing to die for his beliefs. The movement caught momentum in  April 2011 and reached its peak in August 2011. However, by December 2011, much of the sizzle and fire had dissipated.

Why did the Anna movement, which achieved such huge support initially, flounder in the last leg?

Initially, UPA, grappling with its internal power politics, and a weak prime minister, simply could not fathom how to deal with the groundswell of support generated by the movement. Further, the media made it look very big, causing the government to panic. Strong-arm tactics with Baba Ramdev and the stupid act of arresting Anna just before the August fast added fuel to the already smouldering movement.  

By December, public perception had changed to a certain extent. Three points come to mind as to why this happened.

• Team Anna’s uncompromising stand
  Most people want to see the problem of corruption addressed. The announcement of the December fast, even as the bill was about to be tabled was seen by most people as unnecessary blackmailing, which could lead to an impassé.
• Corruption charges against top aides of Anna
  Top aides of Anna- Arvind Kejriwal, Kiran Bedi, and the Bhushans came under scrutiny when charges of financial impropriety were levied on them. This loss of credibility was certainly one of the reasons for the movement to weaken.
• Anna’s apparent closeness to BJP
  Anna was seen as ‘above politics’ by the masses. However, his public appearances with leaders of a Hindu-biased opposition probably hurt this image. And the UPA cashed on it, sparing no effort in insinuating Anna’s political motives.

Finally, the political class outwitted Team Anna. Getting its act together, the UPA saved face by masterminding the “Sense of the house” resolution in the Loksabha, making Anna’s fast redundant. Yet, it is quite clear that the political class did not want the ‘Janlokpal’ bill, as Team Anna would have wanted. The bill was effectively scuttled in the Rajyasabha.

This great movement, which addresses the major issue we all are concerned about, seems to have bitten the dust for the moment. Let's hope the fire is re-ignited! As for now, we can only wait and watch how the 'Janlokpal Bill' scenario unfolds.

© Sujata Khanna. All rights reserved.

Winning

Winning is a worthy goal. But to win, you must first compete. You must put your heart and soul- your complete focus, energy and skill into the task of competing. Yet, the odds are, you may not win.

Winning is an expectation that can be met, but not exceeded.

Consistent success is accompanied by heightened expectations, and any failure to meet those heightened expectations can be magnified greatly. Losing can have an overwhelming effect on the competitive mind, an effect that can be best described as ‘agony’.  Consequently, the defence mechanism to this intense mental suffering is ‘agony avoidance’.

One of the major psychological ramifications of agony avoidance is the development of a ‘winning at all costs’ mindset. This mindset condones breaking the rules of the game. It is willing to accommodate unfair means and cheating. This, clearly, cannot be a strategy for long-term success. Not only can your game be up any time, you will never feel the exhilaration of a fair win or a boost in your self worth.

The challenge is, therefore, to put it all in the proper perspective. 

Taking a life-long view, the sum of your wins must exceed the sum of your losses, with the endeavour to maximise the wins and minimise the losses. Those who fail to take this long view may miss taking on each challenge with sportsmanship, fair play and personal responsibility, thus, missing out on the process of constant self-improvement, an essential ingredient in formulating long term success.

Long term success calls for being able to deal with losing. A healthy competitive spirit can be developed if you work on cultivating the following:

• Learning: Turn defeat into a positive learning tool. Find where you fell short, work on your weaknesses, get the little things right and, thus, increase the chance for success the next time you compete.
• Self-motivation: Tell yourself, you gave your best shot then, you will continue to do so always. You must refocus, re-energize and rededicate yourself to compete again.
• Resilience: Get accustomed to dealing with adversity and overcoming obstacles. Each experience will equip you to tide over future difficulties in the workplace and in life.Nobody wins all of the time. It’s what you do with these losses and what you can learn from them that will create future wins. So, let there be no room for self-doubt. Cultivate the resilience required to come back stronger.

Finally, it’s all in the mind!

© Sujata Khanna. All rights reserved.

Indo-literature: Increasing Global Reach

Marathi sahitya sammelan is a unique event. Today in Chandrapur more than one lakh people will attend this litfest. It’s much better than JLF (Jaipur Lit Fest) !

Source: @waglenikhil on Twitter (Nikhil Wagle, Editior IBN Lokmat), February 04, 2012

Noted litterateur and president of the 85th Akhil Bharatiya Marathi Sahitya Sammelan Vasant Dahake defended the increasing use of English language, saying that it has become all the more necessary in the changed global scenario.

Source: TNN, February 05, 2012

Against the backdrop of the much-in-the-news Jaipur Literary Fest, news reports of the Marathi Sahitya Sammelan in the English media were few. This hugely successful festival, attracting an audience of over one lakh people from the very grassroots of Maharashtra, was given scant coverage by the media.

Liberal education, through literature, languages, philosophy and history, is meant open our minds to cultures foreign to us. The English literate Indian connoisseur laps up not just English literature, but also translations of great European classics- Greek, French, German, Russian etc. This, no doubt, is a good thing. But, just as we discover foreign cultures through reading, should not Indian regional literature be discovered by global readers?

India has a very rich and varied literary tradition. In the ancient days, Ujjain hosted the Sahitya Parishad under the leadership of Kalidasa, the poet, and the patronage of King Budhagupta Vikramaditya Harsha (476-502 AD). Associations of literary professionals were set up in the capitals of Pandya-Chola-Chera  kingdoms of South India as well as in Anuradhapura in Ceylon (modern Sri Lanka). In spite of such an illustrious history, Indian literature still remains to be 'discovered' and enjoyed globally.

All great literature has been propagated by translations, eliciting interest in the original language. Indian classics have strong storylines and excellent narratives. We have a lot to offer to the world starved for original content. But we lack universal reach, because our literature has not been translated abundantly and distributed widely like most European literature has been.

Fortunately, Indians are proficient in English, the language which has emerged as the most widely used global medium of communication. We also have a large number of brilliant Indian exponents of English literature. Translations of great regional Indian literature by these writers, from their mother-tongues to English, will ensure that the original flavour is retained. Moreover, with the kind of cultural diversity that exists in our nation, we Indians will also be able enjoy the rich literature of regions other than our own.

A concerted effort needs to be made to promote Indian literature. The project must have state patronage. Writers need to be commissioned to undertake translations; corporate sponsorships must be sought for funding these commissions; international publishing houses must be roped in for distribution. The endeavour is an uphill task, but it must be undertaken as an essential obligation we have towards our cultures- that of being part of a universal heritage! 

Again quoting Mahatma Gandhi, “No culture can live, if it attempts to be exclusive.” 

© Sujata Khanna. All rights reserved.

The Winner's Mindset

“You were born to win, but to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win.” Zig Ziglar.

You are competitive, and that’s a great thing! Winning is incredibly inspirational and can propel you perform even better and achieve even greater heights.

I believe that a strong competitive spirit coupled with rational realism can go a long way in creating winners. Here, I am talking about consistent achievers who have a winner’s mindset.

A few thoughts on the winner's mindset….

Winners are passionate about winning
Winners thrive on the blood-rush of a tumultuous environment. The pulls and pressures of competition motivate them to gear-up for a good fight; they focus on the goal and become sharper and more creative in their strategies

Winners assess the playing field correctly
Winners appreciate competition. They assess the competitor’s strengths and try to better them. They assess his weaknesses, and devise strategies to exploit them. More importantly, they know their own strengths and weaknesses. If you want to be a winner, never under-estimate a competitor, remember he is also assessing you and devising ways of beating you….…hence keep your information, knowledge and skills up to date.

Winners are perseverant
The quote "Winners never quit and quitters never win" says a lot about the tenacious 'winner's mindset'. Winners have conviction in themselves, and if they believe in the mission, they are willing to persevere on, even when the going gets tough.

Winners are pragmatic
Winners can assess when a battle cannot be won, and chose to make a retreat. The purpose of such a strategic retreat is simple: you want to live to fight another day. Winners believe in ‘winning the war’, and hence are willing to take a few ‘battles lost’ in their stride.

Here are some classic quotes on winners versus losers.

• A winner sees an answer for every problem. A loser sees a problem in every answer.
• A winner says, "It may be difficult, but it’s possible." A loser says, "It may be possible, but it’s too difficult."
• When a winner makes a mistake, he says, "I was wrong." When a loser makes a mistake, he says, "It wasn’t my fault."
• A winner says, "I can do more." A loser says, "That’s not my job."

These quotes may sound clichéd, but I believe they ring true, and have come to strongly subscribe to them over a period of time.

© Sujata Khanna. All rights reserved.

Lokpal Bill Fiasco

It is a defeat of an arrogant govt, says BJP

Charging the government with “orchestrating” the events yesterday to avoid voting on the Lokpal Bill in Rajya Sabha, Jaitley said, “Government created disturbance with the help of a friendly party to run away from vote…If government shies away from voting on amendments it does not want, it is a sad day for Parliamentary democracy.”

BJP choreographed fiasco on Lokpal Bill in RS, says Govt

Government today projected the BJP as the villain in Rajya Sabha’s failure to pass the Lokpal Bill yesterday and accused it of choreographing the fiasco but refrained from blaming key UPA constituent Trinamool Congress which had moved several amendments.

Source: www.firstpost.com, December 30, 2011

“A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it.”~Oscar Levant

After the Loksabha passed the Lokpal bill, we actually believed that not all politicians were bad, not everything was as bleak as we thought, and that this country still had hope. But the charade of the Loksabha debate and the subsequent passing of the bill, awaiting ratification in the Rajyasabha, was just a ruse to fool the common man.

Why would politicians want to get off the gravy train? Plundering national wealth is a guaranteed privilege to our elected representatives. Our parliamentarians may wax eloquent, denigrating corruption in their debates, but they will fight tooth and nail any law that takes away that privilege.

The government, riddled with controversy over controversy, and having a large number of corruption charges against its ministers, certainly did not want the Lokpal. It, quite clearly, had a pre-conceived plan to create a stalemate. Projecting an image of a party committed to the anti-graft bill, its floor management in the Loksabha was impeccable. Yet, it used its allies like Trinamool Congress and outside supporters like RJD to create chaos in the Rajyasabha to stall the crucial legislation.

The opposition had a two pronged strategy. They took a stand that the Lokpal, as proposed by the government, was weak, and asked for 180 amendments. The obvious ruse was to stall the bill from being passed. And if it did get passed, well, they could get political mileage by supporting the Anna Hazare movement with full fervour, blaming the government.

It is one of the greatest blunders of belief that any political party ever wants the Lokpal. Over the years, every ruling party made sure that this Bill did not see the light of the day, whether it was the government of VP Singh, HD Deve Gowda, IK Gujral, Atal Bihari Vajpayee, and now, Manmohan Singh.

Once more, the bill was methodically scuttled. Each party shrewdly put an independent spanner in the wheel, creating its own alibis to sincerity while blaming the others. The political class failed the people once again.

© Sujata Khanna. All rights reserved.

Returning Calls

"Not returning phone calls is the severest form of torture in the civilized world." Marisha Pessl.

How often is it that you find people not returning your calls? How often is it that you do not return calls or emails?

Not returning calls is one of the most ungracious social acts you can commit. Mind you, I am not talking here of business relationships, where it is perfectly alright to not reply to unsolicited communication. In the personal realm, not returning calls can cause you fractured long-term relationships.

For example, there could be an occasion in the offing to get together socially, with friends or with a common interest group. One of the friends goes the extra mile, co-ordinating the availabilities of group members, setting the most agreeable time and location in order to meet within a short time period, and expecting quick confirmation for the rendezvous.

Yet, you do not call or email back!

Maybe you had other commitments, and you assumed that your not calling back would be sufficient indicator of your unavailability. However, what you have ended up is being personally offensive to your friend, and have sent completely wrong signals. He/she will wonder what they have done to deserve this cold shoulder, and the next time you meet, the interaction will definitely be lukewarm. A quick email/ text message stating your unavailability on that day would definitely have had been a better alternative.

Returning calls and emails is the polite thing to do. Never let people feel rejected. Whether you like it or not, people do obsess about un-returned calls. You would feel the same too. So whatever your reasons, even if the response is a little delayed, make the effort! If the response required is long, or needs considerable thought, at least drop a one-liner message acknowledging the call.

Bottom-line, do unto others as you would have others do unto you!

© Sujata Khanna. All rights reserved.

Proverbial Contradictions!

Proverbs are popularly defined as short expressions of popular wisdom. The wisdom is in the form of a bit of advice, sometimes, to adopt an attitude toward a situation. However, proverbs often run in pairs, reminding us that for every argument for rationalising our stand in a situation, there is an equally rational opposite stand!

If you agree with me that "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"

Then "Out of sight, out of mind" should also make you ponder!

Here is a list of 20 cases where ‘words of popular wisdom’ end up conflicting with each other!

1.       A silent man is a wise one.

          A man without words is a man without thoughts.

2.       Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

          Out of sight, out of mind.

3.       Actions speak louder than words.

          The pen is mightier than the sword.

4.       Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.

          Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

5.       Birds of a feather flock together.

          Opposites attract.

6.       Clothes make the man.

          Don't judge a book by its cover.

7.       Cross your bridges when you come to them.

          Forewarned is forearmed.

8.       Great minds think alike.

          Fools seldom differ.

9.       Knowledge is power.

          Ignorance is bliss.

10.     Look before you leap.

          He who hesitates is lost.

11.     Many hands make light work.

          Too many cooks spoil the broth.

12.     Money talks.

          Talk is cheap.

13.     Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

          Better safe than sorry.

14.     The bigger, the better.

          The best things come in small packages.

15.     The more, the merrier.

          Two's company; three's a crowd.

16.     The only thing constant is change.

          The more things change, the more they stay the same.

17.     Two heads are better than one.

          If you want something done right, do it yourself.

18.     What will be, will be.

          Life is what you make it.

19.     What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

          One man's meat is another man's poison.

20.     With age comes wisdom.

          Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings come all wise sayings.